Unpleasant Encounters with Fairies – Episode 5
People nowadays have a sugar-coated idea of what fairies are like. You know, all those images of pretty little fairy folk in skimpy outfits skipping and laughing, sipping morning-mist-tea from acorn cups and so on. Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but fairies aren’t like that. Not one little bit.
For example, take the one prodding me in the back with her spear as she ushered me along a maze of tunnels through the moss. Her auburn hair was a spiky tangle of split-ends, her face, beneath its layers of grime, would have sent shivers down an ogre’s spine, her blue-green dress had an unwashed-since-time-began look, her ankle-high boots might once have belonged to a boggart with a yeast infection, and her wings had all the appeal of a bluebottle’s. Even her bangles and the fancy beadwork on her belt, were stained with reddish dirt. At least, I hoped it was dirt.
I’d like to say that beneath her unsavoury exterior there beat a heart of gold, but that would be stretching the truth. She hadn’t even had the decency to introduce herself. I decided to call her Bangles because of the thick bundle of them decorating her arm.
“Where are you taking me?” I said, arching my back to avoid the worst of the jabbing.
“Shut up and keep walking.”
I clenched my jaw. Clearly, Bangles wasn’t in the mood for conversation.
Trudging along the eerily lit mossy tunnels, I wished I’d made more of an effort to memorise my spell book. Whenever I’m in a fix, half remembered spells pop into my head and I’m tempted to cast them – or the fragments I remember – but I never do. What happened to dear old uncle Oswald when he miscast, makes me bite my tongue every time. It took us weeks to scrape the greasy stains, which were all that remained of him, off of the castle’s walls.
In my haste to get away from Grimmon, I hadn’t thought to bring something I could use to defend myself with. I patted my dressing gown’s pockets, hoping to find a dagger I’d forgotten about, or even a butter knife I’d absentmindedly dropped in there, but all I had was a stale, half-eaten crumpet.
To make matters worse, my bare feet were complaining. To a full-sized human, moss is soft and comfortable to walk on. But if you’re only three inches tall, it’s coarse and scratchy on the soles. I was limping when the tunnel opened out into a grotto.
“We’re here,” snapped Bangles. “Straighten your shoulders. Try not to look so pathetic. And be on your best behaviour. You’re about to meet Queen Amabilis.”
“Who?” I said, gazing around the grotto. Dozens of fairies stood around the sides, some with expectant expressions on their grubby faces, others frowning, and more than a few glaring at me with undisguised hatred. I guessed about half their number were female, the rest male, and most were in grubby clothes like Bangles’, though there were one or two who seemed to have access to a washtub. But it was the figure in the centre of the floor that grabbed my attention.
Beneath a flower-covered bower, stood a fairy like no other. Tall and regal in a neck to toe spider-silk gown, her midnight-black tresses topped by a tiara of gold, she stared down her nose at me from hard, tawny eyes. Her crimson lips cut a straight line across her waxen face. Rainbows rippled across the delicate membranes of her wings when she moved.
As Bangles pushed me over to her, I lifted my chin as though speaking to royalty was something I did every day, all the while trying to brush the stains and week-old crumbs from my dressing gown. Without being asked, I fell to my knees at her feet. In my experience, it pays to grovel in situations like this.
But not this time.
“It’s a bit late for humility, don’t you think?” said the queen.
“What do you mean?”
“You attempted to destroy my new realm. Fawning won’t help you.”
I was quite taken aback. “Destroy?” I clambered to my feet. “All I did was pull down a few strands of moss.”
Her eyes flashed. “Yes. And you tore apart my fairy ring! Smashed my beautiful toadstools into tiny pieces! Scattered their shredded corpses to the wind!”
I thought that was an exaggeration, and told her so. Then, as her face darkened, I added, “Anyway, I’m the lord of this castle, and it’s mine! Not your ‘new realm’! How dare you? I must say, I’m rather put out.”
If I’d thought she was angry before, it was nothing to what followed. After a minute of arm waving and ranting on her part, I raised my hand, palm towards her.
She sputtered to a stop, her mouth open and her tawny eyes wide in disbelief.
“The thing is,” I said, casually brushing a speck of dirt off of my sleeve. “You’re in danger of being stranded. You see, the castle will soon leave your world and go to another.”
“What are you talking about?”
“There’s a curse over this castle and everyone in it. It keeps moving from one world to the next, and we never know when it will move, or where it will go.” I let that sink in, then added, “It could move tomorrow, or next week, but when it does, you’ll never see your land again.”
“Lies! You’re trying to trick me!”
“No. You must have noticed this castle appear out of nowhere a couple of days ago? Surely?”
That got to her. She narrowed her eyes and stared at me while she considered my words.
“I admit we thought it odd we hadn’t noticed this castle before,” she said, eventually. “We decided it must have been there all along, but hidden by a magic hedge of thorns that must have faded away…” She trailed to stop.
I raised my eyebrows. “I see. Do you remember there being a magic hedge here? And that it suddenly vanished? No, of course you don’t.”
I could see she didn’t like it, but the evidence I had pointed out was as plain as day.
She thought for a moment, then her eyes lit up. “You mentioned a curse.” She put a finger under my chin and lifted my face so I was looking straight into her eyes. “You claim to be the lord of this castle, so is the curse on you, or the castle itself?”
“Oh… um, I… Look, it started centuries ago when one of my ancestors accidentally cast the spell that moves the castle about. Every single one of his descendants has been affected, so technically, I suppose it’s me who’s cursed. But that doesn’t change anything. If you don’t leave soon, you’ll be carried along with the castle to wherever its going next.”
I smiled triumphantly.
“It seems to me it won’t go anywhere if you’re dead.” Queen Amabilis stroked a long, red fingernail over my cheek.“
My throat thickened, and I swallowed hard.
***
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