The Ghastly Exchange – Episode 6

Little by little, the spiralling green mist in my mind thinned.

Something was blocking my mouth. I wheezed and air streamed through my nostrils into my lungs. My tongue felt too thick… and my head ached.

I took another shuddering breath and, as the last wisps of green cleared, I opened my eyes.

My vision was blurred but I could see I was no longer sitting directly opposite Virrellenta.

Had she moved my chair while I’d been under the influence of the mist?

It didn’t seem so for the chair I’d been in earlier was still in the same place. The countess was leaning over a figure sitting in it. A man. He looked familiar. Her arm hid his face as she undid a strap which held a brass bowl on his head.

I blinked rapidly, and my vision cleared.

The man in the chair was wearing my clothes.

The strap came undone and she lifted the bowl. Lit by the half-light of approaching evening, when she moved her arm out of the way I could see him clearly.

He had my face.

My stomach lurched as realisation hit me…

Igor’s machine had worked.

My eyes bulged. That man she was standing next to was me.

Which meant…

I looked down at my lap, trembling at what I would see.

Grubby suit… Calloused hands… I was in Igor’s body…

Dizziness, and a weird sense of dislocation, swept over me.

The moment passed and I looked up to see Virrellenta undo the string holding the wedge in the man’s – my! – mouth.

She bent low and looked in his eyes. “Igor?” she said.

“Yes, my Lady,” said the voice that came from my body. The fact that he sounded exactly like me made my stomach churn.

Virrellenta nodded. “Good. You have done well. I am pleased.”

I ground my teeth on the wooden wedge as I saw a satisfied smile appear on my face.

“The antidote, my Lady?” said Igor.

“Of course.” Virrellenta took a small glass vial filled with blue liquid from her pocket and uncorked it. Igor tipped his head back and she let a drop from the vial fall on his tongue.

It was eerie seeing my body, a few paces away, convulse.

Moments later it stopped shaking, and the hands twitched, followed a breath later by the feet. I had to keep telling myself it was Igor in there – in my body – as the paralysis left him. With a soft groan he moved his arms, shifted his legs, and stood on his feet.

“All is well, my Lady,” he said. “The antidote has worked. I can move normally.”

Virrellenta dropped the vial on the floor. It rolled away under the table, liquid spilling from its open neck.

“Matters have proceeded as planned,” she said. “Let us begin the next phase. Ready the coach and bring it around the front of the house. I will get the goblin and meet you outside.”

Igor nodded. “Very good, my Lady.”

Virrellenta tutted. “You must stop calling me that. It will arouse suspicion. When we get to the castle we will be posing as friends. From now on you will use my name when speaking to me.”

“I… I understand, um… Virrellenta.”

“Vir. You must call me Vir.”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

Igor swallowed, an uncomfortable look on his face.

“Yes, Vir,” he said.

“Good. Now go.”

With a nod, Igor walked stiffly out of the door.

Virrellenta turned her gaze on me.

“Goodbye Ignatius,” she said. “Take care of Igor’s body.”

She laughed, and accompanied by a flash of lightning which threw a bat-like shadow of her onto the wall, she left the room.

I moaned and tried to force my arms to move, but they remained where they were, as heavy as lead.

My heart thundered at an awful thought which sprang into my mind. Virrellenta had said the potion paralysing me would wear off over the next two weeks. But I would be dead from thirst long before then. She hadn’t thought to leave a jug of water within reach. Or anything to eat, either.

So much for her plan to keep me alive so that the spell affecting the castle would continue to work.

She hadn’t even bothered to unstrap the bowl from my head, or remove the wooden wedge from my mouth.

I bit on it in frustration.

It moved.

My eyebrows shot up.

Before we’d swapped bodies, Igor had put a wedge in his mouth but hadn’t tied it with string to stop it coming out.

I opened my jaws as wide as I could and pushed the wedge with my tongue. It scraped across my teeth and fell out.

“Virrellenta!” I croaked in Igor’s voice. “Come back, you demon!”

What with the rain pelting the window, and the crashes of thunder, I doubted she’d heard me.

Yelling like a madman, I jerked my head from side to side hoping to dislodge the bowl, but all I succeeded in doing was tipping it forward over my eyes.

Blinded and helpless, my neck drooped and I lapsed into bouts of moaning and cursing my idiocy in accepting Virrellenta’s invitation. If I’d politely declined, and returned to the castle, none of this would have happened.

I must have been exhausted, for after an hour of useless raging against the gods, vampires, and evil laboratory assistants, I fell asleep.

The next thing I became aware of was someone fumbling with the chinstrap holding the bowl in place.

My heart lifted. Virrellenta had returned to remove the bowl and, hopefully, leave water and food.

“Ha! I knew you’d come back! So, even vampires feel guilt, eh?” I said, as the strap came undone and the bowl was lifted.

“Vampires?” said a familiar voice.

It took a second for my eyes to adjust to the soft yellow light coming from an oil lamp next to the no-longer-glowing mind swap contraption on the table. My jaw dropped.

“Grimmon?” I said.

“Of course it is.”

I don’t think I’ve ever been as pleased as I was then to see his green features and pointed ears.

“What are you doing here? I thought they’d taken you with them…”

“They’re not as clever as they think. Igor’s potions don’t work on goblins.” He sniffed, looking pleased with himself. “He gave me a potion which he said would cure my upset stomach. Once I’d drank it, he got all smug and told me it wasn’t a cure but a sleeping potion that would knock me out for a week. I pretended to pass out and when he left, I went downstairs after him. I hid in the entrance hall outside the door and heard all about their plan to swap your mind with Igor’s so they could take over the castle.”

“But… But… Why didn’t you come in and stop them stealing my body?”

“What? Little old me take on a vampire and her beefy assistant all on my own? You’ve got to be kidding.” He rubbed his nose. “Anyway, I was distracted.”

“Huh?”

“I spotted a rat in the entrance hall. A really big juicy one. Opportunities like that don’t come every day. And I was peckish.”

“Peckish? You’d been stuffing your face with cakes all afternoon.”

“Yes, but they don’t hit the spot like a rat does. You should try one. I’ve been telling you for years.”

“Oh, for pity’s sake! So while I was being subjected to a fate worse than death, you were scurrying after a snack? I don’t believe it!”

“He was more than a snack!” protested Grimmon. “I mean, really.” He threw his arms in the air. “Anyway, I’m here now, aren’t I?”

I took a deep breath and counted to ten as I slowly let it out.

Making a mental note to continue the current discussion at a more convenient time, I changed the subject.

“What did they do when they didn’t find you sleeping upstairs?” I said.

The countess flew into a rage and stalked outside where you – I mean Igor – was waiting with the coach. They had a row, and when they quietened down they left. I guess they must have come up with a new plan that didn’t include using me.”

“Well, we have to stop them! I have to get my body back! First, we need that vial under the table. It’s the antidote to the potion that’s paralysed me. Get it and bring it here.”

Grimmon crossed his arms and glared at me. “Not until you apologise for being so horrible to me.”

I bit back a sharp reply.

“Sorry,” I said through gritted teeth.

“What was that? I couldn’t hear you.”

“I said sorry! Now get that vial before I…”

“Yes?”

“Never mind.” I swallowed and took another deep breath. “The vial. Please.”

“You see?” he said, walking over to the table. “It wasn’t difficult, was it? A bit of politeness goes a long way.”

He bent down, picked up the vial and peered inside it through its neck.

“Oh dear,” he said. “There’s none left. It’s all spilt out onto the floor.”

*** Continued in Episode 7 ***

The Ghastly Exchange – Index of Episodes